I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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