So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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