this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
