Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
