I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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