So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
