I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
