I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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