i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
