i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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