I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
