I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
