is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize