I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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