I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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