dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
