im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you had me at cake vodka
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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