please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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