okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
