I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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