the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
