Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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