i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
