I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
