Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
