im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
did i walk over a car last night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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