So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
