i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
