nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
