The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
