Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
