it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
