I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
