Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
