btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
