Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
be right there i have to get my cape
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
