i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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