Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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