goodnight i made you a song goodbye
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
how drunk are you?
Several
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
