I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
