She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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