Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
