I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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