I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
