so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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