Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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