Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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