so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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