All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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