AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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