You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
