They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
