I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
