i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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