She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
