I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
