Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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