Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize