I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
