I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
