theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
