Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
