Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize