it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I looked at my own cervix.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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