You made me cry and you don't even care
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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