FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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