Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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