I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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