I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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