We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
